


could i fill his shoes?

by tropicalbabe



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, based off The 1975's Sex, they're idiots and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2020-10-11 23:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20554331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tropicalbabe/pseuds/tropicalbabe
Summary: And yeah, Sungjae is caring and loving and nice and perfect but Sooyoung always moans when Yeri bites that spot on her neck.or the one where Yeri is a player that is completely convinced that Sooyoung will never love her back. And Sooyoung has a boyfriend because Yeri could never love her back.





	1. do you say no?

_And this is how it starts_

Yeri was loading a portable fridge into the back of that van her father gave her a month ago. Leaning on the front side of the van was Sooyoung, trying to contact what Yeri supposed to be Sungjae.

“Yeri?” Sooyoung called after a few minutes.

“Yeah?” Yeri closed the door and walked towards her.

“Could you give me a ride home?” Yeri held back a smile; she was going to enjoy this.

“I thought Sungjae was picking you up? Is everything okay?” She answered feigning worry and interest.

“Yeah, he has to pick up his little brother from somewhere and it’s kind of far. He doesn’t want me to stay alone for too long, y’know the beach gets lonely and it could be kind of dangerous.” Sungjae was caring and loving, the perfect man every girl wished for. (Every girl except for Yeri, and Sooyoung,_ perhaps._)

“Especially for such a pretty girl like you.” Yeri didn’t miss Sooyoung’s blush “Don’t worry princess, I’ll take you home.” She showed her best smile. “Let’s get going, Soo.”

They both got in the van and Yeri turned on the AC while Sooyoung took off those high tops she loved so much.

“Hey, do you have a sweatshirt or something? I’m cold.” Sooyoung spoke up after a while of driving in silence.

“Yeah, I think there’s a sweater somewhere around there.” Yeri motioned the backseat without taking her eyes off the road. “I don’t know if it fits you though.”

Sooyoung found a blue sweater that she pulled lazily over her back and _fuck_ would she look that good wearing all of Yeri’s clothes or was it just that sweater?

The fact that she was wearing her shirt over nothing but her bikini top had Yeri’s mind going haywire. She just couldn’t stop staring.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Sooyoung mumbled.

“Like what?” Yeri plays dumb, but she sees Sooyoung’s eyes wander over her body, and she definitely sees her lick her lips as she does so.

“You know how.” Sooyoung’s voice gets lower. Yeri somehow keeps her hands to herself.

“Maybe I don’t.” She still plays hard to get, just because.

(It’s a pride thing, she won’t ever get Sooyoung, so she won’t make herself that easy for Sooyoung to get.

It only ever lasts minute because despite everything Yeri’s _so in love with her it’s stupid _according to Wendy.)

“Yeri” Sooyoung’s whine takes Yeri by surprise, it’s a miracle she didn’t crash into the side walk.

They’re only three blocks away from Sooyoung’s house but Sooyoung’s rubbing her leg and _fuck it_ Yeri thinks to herself. She pulls into some random parking lot and before she can turn off the van Sooyoung’s already moving to straddle her.

They kiss and pull apart for air and kiss again and again, until Yeri pulls her sweater off Sooyoung and trails kisses from her jaw to right above her breasts while Sooyoung holds onto her shoulder with one hand and claws her nails into Yeri’s arm with the other. Yeri bites, licks and sucks around drinking in the way Sooyoung moans for her, only for her. And yeah, Sungjae is caring and loving and nice and perfect but Sooyoung always moans when Yeri bites that spot on her neck. 

When she slides her hand to the knot of Sooyoung’s bikini, she holds her breath and expects Sooyoung to stop her, but she doesn’t. She unties the bikini and throws it around somewhere while Sooyoung shivers when the cool air hits her breasts.

Yeri takes a look and forgets how to function.

(She’s never gotten this far with Sooyoung, she prides herself in having experience and a reputation but _this is Sooyoung_.)

“Don’t just look at them like that.” Sooyoung whines when Yeri stares.

“Why not? Art must be admired.” Yeri smirks; Sooyoung flushes from her face to her neck and lightly hits her.

“You must say that to every girl you -” She starts while she takes Yeri’s shirt off.

“No. I’ve only said that once, right now, to you” Yeri gives Sooyoung her softest, deepest gaze, trying to tell her, to let her know. Sooyoung closes her eyes and lets out a moan.

(_She’s playing with you; two days ago she was sweet talking Rose. You shouldn’t be doing this to yourself or Sungjae_ the rational voice in her head tells her, but Sooyoung doesn’t care.)

As soon Yeri’s shirt is off she wraps her lips around one nipple and fondles the other breast with her hand, making Sooyoung moan and _holy shit_ is it music to her ears. She wants more, she needs more and she’s not the only one

“Shit Yeri, if you don’t put your tongue somewhere else right now I swear I’m going to-” She doesn’t get to finish because her shorts get unbuttoned and yanked down faster than she can process. Yeri’s trying to stop her hands from shaking when she grabs the waistband of Sooyoung’s bikini because she can’t believe this is actually happening.

(She would have wanted this to happen differently, in a world where she can kiss Sooyoung lovingly and not just lustfully. And especially not when a boyfriend is waiting somewhere for her. 

And especially not in a van that belonged to her dad for fuck’s sake.)

“Yeri, hurry the fuck up.” Sooyoung pulls her out of her thoughts with her whining and Yeri starts tugging down when until she feels something buzzing. Her fucking luck, that tone she dreads so much, the one Sooyoung has set for Sungjae, fills the van. Someone give Sungjae a Cockblock of the Year award. Sooyoung groans loudly and reaches for her phone.

“Hey baby. What? Oh yeah don’t worry, Yeri is taking me home, we’re about to arrive, sorry, I forgot to tell you. Sure, if you want to, but it is kind of late, you can always come over tomorrow. Oh well if you’re already close. Okay, bye, love you too.”

Sooyoung hangs up and Yeri looks at her.

“No.” Sooyoung starts reaching for her clothes and Yeri knows it’s over. “I won’t do that to him.” Yeri wants to let out a frustrated scream because if Sungjae hadn’t called Sooyoung would be screaming her name by now but she stays quiet and puts her shirt back on.

After Sooyoung finishes dressing Yeri starts up the car and finishes the drive to her house.

“Bye” Sooyoung takes Yeri’s sweater with her. Yeri tells herself it doesn’t matter; Sooyoung’s got a boyfriend anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've got more of this in drafts but idk if i should continue
> 
> constructive criticism is always welcome


	2. everything is going to be okay

A few days after the whole van incident they found themselves alone together again, this time in Yeri’s room. To Yeri Sooyoung looked so right, sitting on her bed flipping through some comic of hers. They had been working on a project but Sooyoung stated she needed a five minute break, and those five minutes extended to thirty.

“How do you keep track of all of these?” Sooyoung points to Yeri’s stack of comics.

“If you’re asking about the superhero ones, when I first started reading them I didn’t know where to start, but thankfully the internet exists.” Yeri chuckled from her seat at the desk. She wrote something on a paper before continuing. “I got some guidance online and now I just have to wait for the new numbers of the series I’ve been reading. Indie comics and others are just one story so I start from the first number and go on.”

“Indie comics?” Sooyoung looked at her with confused eyes.

“Yeah, like _Preacher _or _Paper Girls_.” Sooyoung still looked lost.

“I thought there were only superhero comics.” She said quietly. Yeri looked at her and started laughing.

“Hey, stop it.” Sooyoung whined, her cheeks turning red.

“I’m-” a wheeze “I’m sorry” Yeri catched her breath. “No, Soo, comics aren’t just superheroes, there are comics out there for every one and every taste.”

“Even for me?” Sooyoung mumbled.

“What do you mean _even for me_?” The doubtful tone of Sooyoung worried her.

“I – Uh, the other day I wanted to read one of Sungjae’s comics but he said I couldn’t even tell Flash apart from Quicksilver so I shouldn’t even try, because I would get too confused.” Sooyoung looked down. “I know he didn’t mean to be mean but it was like he was telling me I wasn’t smart enough for it.” She finished almost in a whisper.

“Well, I think Sungjae’s a stupid asshole.” Yeri wanted to say so much more, she even wondered how much time she would get for giving him a good ass-whooping.

Sooyoung let out a small smile but still looked embarrassed.

“Hey, maybe you can pick up any comic that catches your eye and I can guide you through it, if you’d like?” Yeri stood up and walked towards the bed, sitting on the edge. “I mean, if you don’t want to that’s totally okay because you can do–”

“This one catches my eye for sure.” Sooyoung said rather sultrily. _No, no, oh God please no_, Yeri panicked. Her rambling made her fail to notice Sooyoung pull something out from under her pillow.

Sooyoung held in her hand one of the mangas Yeri shamefully hid under her bed. She must’ve forgotten to put this one back last night after she finished reading. 

“I never thought you’d be into _waifus_ and anime tits.” Sooyoung cackled, and even though she was laughing at her, Yeri looked in awe at the way her eyes crinkled at the corners as her smile got bigger. She had to stop herself when she felt a smile forming on her own face; the one that practically screamed _I am so in love with you it’s pathetic._

“Do you have nothing to say for yourself?”

Yeri stayed silent, wishing the floor would swallow her as she remembered exactly why she was being made fun of.

“I don’t think you’d be such a successful player if the girls at school knew you love _hentai_.” Sooyoung laughed again.

“I’m not a player. And I don’t love _hentai_; I just think it’s neat. ” Yeri weakly defended herself. _Neat? Seriously what the fuck_ _is wrong with you?_ She scolded herself. Sooyoung focused on something else though.

“Yes you are.” Sooyoung dropped the manga and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Am not.”

“Yeah? Well, half of the girls in our grade beg to differ.” Sooyoung frowned.

“And you’re one of them?” Yeri widened her eyes not believing what just came out her own mouth. “I’m–”

“Shut up Yeri.” Sooyoung’s expression hardened as she got up and moved to the desk turning her back to Yeri. She reached for her bag, putting her stuff back in.

“I didn’t mean–” Yeri tried again.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m leaving” Sooyoung’s calmness was scaring her.

“No, I – Sooyoung, please.”

“PLEASE WHAT YERI?” Sooyoung whipped her head around to face her. Yeri could see her eyes shining with tears.

“Don’t leave. I’m sorry.” Yeri whispered.

“Ask Chaeyoung to come over. I’m sure you’ll enjoy her company more than mine.”

“Sooyoung, please, I’m sorry. You’re not just some girl.” Yeri wanted to cry now too, but felt like she didn’t have a reason to.

“Yes I am; you’ve made that clear to me.” Sooyoung spat out bitterly. “I already did my part of the project so I don’t need to see you again. Bye Yeri.” She paced around the room a few more times, picking up her stuff and then practically ran out of Yeri’s room.

Yeri stared at the door in silence, holding back her tears. She got up when she heard a knock on her door.

“Is everything okay Yeri?” Her mother asked as soon as Yeri opened the door for her. “I heard Sooyoung shouting and she practically ran out the door.” The concerned look on her mother’s face only fueled Yeri’s desire to cry.

She looked at the floor as she spoke. “It’s okay Ma, don’t w-worry.” She managed to not choke on the sobs welling up in her throat.

“Yeri. Look at me.” Her mother insisted. Yeri took one look at her and couldn’t stop the tears from spilling out.

“Come here.” Yeri ran to her mother’s arms, burying her face in her neck and crying her heart out.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay”

(Yeri remembered when she came out to her parents, with hot tears streaming down her cheeks expecting to be scolded and shouted at and so many bad things that could happen and made her feel so afraid. She didn’t expect them to wrap themselves around her, she didn’t expect them to kiss her head, face and cheeks, and she didn’t expect comforting words and love.

“Don’t cry baby, we will always love you. You have nothing to be ashamed of and everything is going to be okay.”

Everything did turn out okay for her.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this looked longer in my drafts haha, oh well. 
> 
> i hope whoever reads this enjoys it ♡


	3. making sense of things

Joohyun was enjoying a rather nice evening with Seulgi; her girlfriend had come home from work with food and drinks, ready to binge watch something all weekend. Right now they were supposed to be watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine but Seulgi seemed to have other things in mind.

“Hey Joohyun.” Seulgi suddenly spoke up.

“Hmm” Joohyun was kind of invested and did not want to be interrupted.

“Joohyun.” Seulgi tried again.

“What?” Joohyun paused the episode and turned around. She was met with a rather smug looking Seulgi.

“Say, do you come here often?” Joohyun was going to slap her. _Did she really make me pause Brooklyn Nine-Nine for this? Unbelievable_.

“This is my fucking house.” Seulgi burst out laughing and then started whining.

“Appreciate my flirting efforts baby.”

“That was terrible.”

“It worked pretty well for Seungwan, not everybody gets to date Park Jihyo.”

“Seungwan is a grease-ball and do I have to remind you how much of a disaster she was before she asked–” A set of knocks on the door interrupted their bickering.

“I don’t wanna stand up, you go.” Joohyun complained.

“Even if I go you still have to stand up, you’re sitting on me, remember?” Seulgi argued.

Another set of knocks was heard.

“Ugh, alright, but you won’t interrupt me again until this season ends.” Joohyun stood up and opened the door. She wasn’t expecting to see Sooyoung standing there, the girl would always scream instead of knocking like a normal person, and she looked like she had spent the last three days crying.

“Sooyoung? What happened?” Sooyoung only looked at the floor.

“Soo,” Joohyun put her hand on her shoulder “it’s okay, you can trust me. Come in”

Sooyoung looked up to her with glassy eyes and started crying. Joohyun wrapped her arms around her and rubbed her back. 

“Hey, what’s taking you so – Oh” Seulgi walked up to them. As soon as she realized who was crying she threw herself around Sooyoung too. She looked at Joohyun searching for answers but the shorter girl only shrugged and shook her head.

After Sooyoung calmed down and broke away from the hug she asked “As much as I like this, can we go inside?” Joohyun and Seulgi laughed softly “Sure, c’mon”

Sooyoung was seated comfortably and eating the chocolates Seulgi had given her.

“So?” Joohyun stared.

“So what?” 

“Care to explain why you look like shit?” 

“Oh, that. I’m fine, just your normal student breakdown, it’s okay, I’m okay.”

“Okay, bullshit.” Seulgi stepped in. “Sooyoung, please, we want to help.”

Sooyoung looked at them, they were standing in front of where she was seated and she felt like they were her parents. 

She sighed. “Alright, but you better not tell anyone. Specifically Seungwan and–” Her pause didn’t go unnoticed by Seulgi and Joohyun “and Yeri”

She then explained everything that had gone down at Yeri’s house, pausing in the middle of her story to tell them about that one time in Yeri’s van and then continuing the first story. Sooyoung marveled at the fact that she did not cry while telling them what happened.

“Okay, that was something shitty of Yeri to say, but honestly I don’t understand why it bothers you? I mean, you have Sungjae and if you were about to let her fuck you so it’s not like it’s a lie.” Joohyun spoke up first, being painfully honest. 

(She would have to scold her little sister later for treating Sooyoung like she was one of her conquests. She didn’t have anything against Yeri’s behavior as long as she took care of herself but at this point Sooyoung was family to both of them and did not deserve to be treated like that.)

“That’s it.” Sooyoung answered.

“What do you mean?”

“It means she doesn’t want to be just a girl to Yeri, don’t you Soo?” Seulgi figured out quickly. Having known Sooyoung longer than Joohyun, since she was her cousin, she understood her a bit better.

Sooyoung’s cheeks were suddenly tinted red and she looked down before murmuring a weak “Yes”

“Oh. And for how long have you, um, liked her?”

“A few years.” Sooyoung was still looking at the floor instead of them.

“And why are you dating Sungjae then? I thought you really liked him.” Seulgi asked.

“I do like him, but…” 

“But you love Yeri.”

“Yeah. Yeri and I were best friends, and I’ve kinda always been in love with her. I thought she might feel the same because when it was just the two of us she made me feel so, so special, but every time I asked her who she liked she would avoid the topic, or say some girl’s name, different each time I asked. I figured that she realized I liked her and she just didn’t want to reject me, so I tried to put some distance between us and when Sungjae started to show interest in me, well, we ended up dating.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “As soon as Sungjae and I were official to everyone it’s like some fucking Johnny Bravo complex took over Yeri, she pretty much had been with every girl in our grade by the time Sungjae and I got to our first year anniversary.”

“Huh. That explains some things.” Seulgi said. She had always wondered why Sooyoung and Yeri had separated all of a sudden after being glued at the hip. It’s because of them that she had met Joohyun and Seungwan.

“I think you should break up with Sungjae if you’re in love with Yeri. It’s not very nice of you to use him like that.” Joohyun advised.

Sooyoung sighed “I suppose I should.”

“Go and do that right now, we’ll talk about this whole Yeri situation later. I have a few things to tell you.” 

“Okay, okay, jeez. Bye moms.”

“Bye sweetie, we love you.” Joohyun ushered her out laughing. As soon as Sooyoung was out the house she turned to Seulgi.

“Call Seungwan and tell her to come over asap.”

“What does Seungwan have to do with this?” Seulgi wondered.

“Remember when Jihyo and Daniel were dating, back in high school?”

“When Seungwan decided to break the Guiness Record for most people dated ever instead of dealing with her feelings? I’ll never forget that.” 

“Yeah well, you’re not the only one that thinks Seungwan is some flirting expert, Yeri used to ask her for advice a lot. I think she adopted some destructive behaviors from her along the way.”

Seulgi gasped “Oh shit, you think Yeri?”

“I know it.” Joohyun smiled.

“Oh my God that makes so much sense, baby you’re a genius.” Seulgi grabbed her face with both her hands and kissed her before running to grab her phone and speed dial Seungwan.

-

“I told you to stop messing around with girls that are in relationships Yeri. You’re only going to hurt yourself.” Seungwan sighed, she had been where Yeri was right now and she had hurt herself a good deal.

“It doesn’t even matter. She’s just like the rest; only wanting me for a good fuck and then running back to their boyfriends because I don’t ever matter to them.” Yeri was gesturing wildly with her hands which meant she was frustrated and still in the mood for ranting. 

“Yeri, if you think that’s the way Sooyoung thinks of you then you’re wrong. Why would she be so offended by you referring to her as one of the rest then?”

“That’s what I don’t fucking understand, she doesn’t even want me so why act like that? It makes me so fucking confused and it doesn’t help me in trying to get over her. I think maybe she’s gone insane, I mean the first few times she kissed me she was drunk and that’s normal but then she started doing it sober and I, I– I’m feeling very used. And I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do.”

“Maybe you should stop messing around, and get over Sooyoung properly.”

“No. I don’t even have that big of feelings for Sooyoung, I have nothing to get over in fact, it’s just because she is, was, my best friend and we have history, it’s more of that than a feelings thing, I don’t have fee–”

“Yeri stop, you sound pathetic.” _God, this is what Seulgi and Joohyun felt like then. I should buy them something as a thank-you-for-putting-up-with-my-bullshit-gift_. “It’s okay if you’re in love with Sooyoung; it’s not the end of the goddamn world. You guys don’t even talk to each other that much anymore so this whole process will be easier and worth it in the end alright? I promise. But first you gotta admit to yourself that you love her.”

Yeri looked at her blankly for a whole minute.

“Okay. I am in love with the fucking angel that Park Sooyoung is. Done.”

“See? The world didn’t end, now, the next time she tries something with you, say no and skedaddle out of there.”

Yeri snorted but got serious again. “What if I can’t? She’s irresistible Seungwan.”

“I’ll give you free sweets at the bakery every time you do.”

“That’s fair.”

“Also, stop playing around with other girls. Just because you and your feelings are hurt doesn’t mean you can go around hurting others to feel better, that’s something that shitty and selfish people do.”

“Well maybe I am a selfi–”

“_Seungwannie, answer the phone. Seungwannie, answer the pho_–” Jihyo’s sing-song voice came out of Seungwan’s phone. Yeri almost fell off Seungwan’s bed in a fit of laughter.

“Oh my God Joohyun-unnie was right; you really are the biggest grease-ball out there.”

“Shut up Yeri. Let me answer this.”

“Alright _Seungwannie, answer the phone_.” Yeri mocked. Seungwan gave her one last annoyed look before answering.

“Hey Seul, what’s up? Right now? I have a situation with Yeri here. Oh, OH, I’m on my way. ‘K bye.”

She turned to look at Yeri. “We’ll continue this tomorrow alright? I’ve got something to do.”

“If you are leaving me in an emotional crisis just so you can go play Mario Kart at Seulgi’s I’m revoking your title of favorite-non-relative-unnie.” Yeri stood up on the bed and pointed at the sign she made Seungwan for her birthday.

“I swear I’m not, this is a grown-ups emergency.”

Yeri squinted her eyes at her suspiciously “Sounds fake but okay. If you tell her or Joohyun-unnie anything about this I will murder you. Go now, bye.”

“I wanna see you leave first.”

“Why can’t I stay here for a while?” Yeri whined.

“I will not make the mistake of leaving you alone in my house.” 

“Okay okay, bye Seungwannie.”

“Bye Yeri, take care of yourself.”

-

Yeri kind of didn’t.

At 8 pm she grew bored of being at home with nothing to do since she cancelled the dates she had, and she was absolutely not going to think of Sooyoung for the rest of the weekend. So she did what any rational teenager would, she sent a few texts, figured out where a party was going to be and decided to go get shit-faced drunk.

-

Meanwhile Seungwan, Seulgi and Joohyun discussed the events, over a game of Mario Kart.

“So, you’re positive that Sooyoung’s in love with Yeri?”

“Fuck’s sake Wan, we already told you in detail everything she said and you still doubt it?”

“I don’t know, she could be lying about it.”

Seulgi paused the game.

“Excuse you? My Sooyoungie wouldn’t pull shit like that.”

“Alright, I’m sorry. Just to be sure, I don’t want Yeri to get any more hurt by this.” Seulgi nodded and continued with the game.

“Neither do I Seungwan, I’m her sister and the last person that wants to see her hurt. I think this is the best for both of them.” Joohyun intervened.

“So, babe, do we have to make a _this is an intervention_ sign or something?” Seulgi asked. She didn’t notice Joohyun walking into their room.

“Actually,” Seungwan spoke up sheepishly. “I still have the one you guys made for me that one time somewhere in my room.”

“Why the fuck would you still have that?” Seulgi laughed.

“It keeps me from doing dumb shit. Whenever I’m about to do something that feels or looks dumb, I remember that sign and ask myself _would Seulgi and Joohyun make me an intervention for this_?”

“That’s actually useful. I should do that.”

Joohyun walked back into the living room with paper, markers and her laptop in her hands.

“We won’t need that baby. Wannie’s got us covered.” On cue Seungwan winked. Joohyun placed the things on the dinner table and opened her laptop.

“Alright then, Operation: Useless Gay Idiots is a go.” Joohyun stated as she typed something on her laptop.

(“Baby, are you making a PowerPoint?”

“Maybe.”

“Seul I swear to God if you use that blue shell you are throwing 10 years of friendship out the window”

“I guess I’ll have to buy a new window then.”

A shriek and a _Fuck you Kang Seulgi_ was the last thing Joohyun heard before she got sucked into a PowerPoint-making madness)

-

Yeri didn’t expect to see Sooyoung at the party.

She also didn’t expect to overhear someone saying that she had broken up with Sungjae.

_I must be really drunk._

She looked up from her cup and saw Sooyoung headed straight towards her.

_I’m not drunk enough._


	4. i'll leave, but my heart stays here

Joohyun doesn’t even know what to make of this. She didn’t even know that Yeri was out; the girl had been cooped up in her room all day and none of those friends of hers that materialized every Friday at her house to leave with Yeri in tow had come by, fortunately, so Joohyun went over to Seulgi’s without worrying about Yeri’s whereabouts. _For the first time in a long time _she thought to herself as she left.

Seulgi’s phone started ringing somewhere around 2 am, Seulgi being the heavy sleeper that she is didn’t even move, but after a few more rings and message notifications she woke up (actually, Joohyun shaking her body woke her up.). The caller ID came as a surprise to her.

“Who’s calling?” Joohyun asked when she noticed Seulgi staring at her phone for long.

“Sungjae” She answered, the confusion evident in her voice.

“Sungjae as in Yook Sungjae, Sooyoung’s boyfriend?”

“I don’t know any other Yook Sungjae.”

“Why would he be –“

_“Uh, Seulgi, I’ve been calling but you don’t answer. I suppose you’re asleep – I don’t know just get them away from each other – Uh, I kind of have a problem here with Yeri and Sooyoung and don’t know what to do. Please call me back or come over.”_

Seulgi played the first voicemail Sungjae sent. There was a lot of background noise, consisting of music, screams and insults being spit out by two female voices that both girls recognized very well.

Seulgi didn’t even bother going through the remaining voicemails and called Sungjae, meanwhile Joohyun was getting dressed and trying to contact any of the two mentioned girls.

“What’s going on Sungjae? What? Alright, where are they? What do you mean she left? You just let her go like that? Are you fucking insane?! She’s probably drunk out of her mind and you just let her drive off to God knows where! Sorry, I’m worried. Is Sooyoung with you? Okay, we’re on our way.” Seulgi got dressed while she talked over the phone and as soon as she was finished she walked to the parking lot, where Joohyun was already waiting for her in the car.

“So? What’s going on?” She said, starting up the car and driving out.

“Apparently Yeri went to some party and got like, really drunk, and Sooyoung happened to be at the same party – “

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah, Sungjae doesn’t really know what went down but all of a sudden they were screaming shit at eachother and he told me that Yeri walked away and drove off in that state.” Seulgi could see the worry clouding Joohyun’s eyes. She put a hand on her leg. 

“Don’t worry, we’re going to find Yeri and she’s going to be okay. They both will.”

As soon as they arrived at the place Sungjae spotted them and called them over to where he was with Sooyoung.

“What the fuck happened Sooyoung?” Seulgi started asking while Joohyun interrogated Sungjae, trying to figure out Yeri’s whereabouts. But Sooyoung didn’t even look up to her, she was seated on the floor and hugging her knees, Seulgi figured some hurtful things were said and she sat down next to her, trying again, this time softer.

“Soo, hey, it’s Seulgi.” She hugged her but Sooyoung didn’t stop sniffling.

“’C’mon, let’s get you home.” Sooyoung mumbled something in response. “What? I didn’t get that.”

“Don’t wanna go home.” Sooyoung said, louder.

“You can’t stay here.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want mom and dad asking around.”

Seulgi sighed. “Alright, then you’re staying at my place, I’ll tell your parents about it. Is that okay?”

Sooyoung just hummed. Seulgi stood up, Sooyoung copying her a few moments later, never lifting her gaze up.

Joohyun was waiting at the car, trying to call Yeri with shaking hands, her breath getting heavier each time it went to voicemail and tears leaking slowly out of her eyes. Seulgi rushed over to hug her.

“Seulgi I, I don’t know where she is and she won’t answer and – Oh my God what if she crashed and is out there wounded or already dead, I can’t live with myself if she’s dead I won’t, I can’t.”

“Hey, we’re going to find her, I told you. Yeri’s probably at that park she likes or at Seungwan’s. She’s okay, breathe.” Joohyun inhaled and exhaled, calming herself down.

“We should call Seungwan.” She suggested

With Seulgi worried about Joohyun and Joohyun worried about Yeri both girls failed to notice that Sooyoung was crying again, only taking notice of it when the crying got loud.

“Hey, Sooyoung don’t worry, it’s alright. We’re going to find Yeri sooner than later, it’s going to be-“

“NO IT’S NOT. It’s not fine, it’s not fine and it’s my fault. If Yeri crashes and fucking dies then it’s _my_ _fault_.” Sooyoung sobbed.

“Why the_ fuck_ are you all so insistent on Yeri being dead? She is not fucking dead, alright? She’s alive, alone, sad, and angry, and we have to find her. So stop planning her fucking funeral and let’s get going.” Seulgi raised her voice. She didn’t mean to be harsh, but apparently her outburst had an effect because Sooyoung and Joohyun stopped crying and were now silently staring at her.

“Okay. Where should we start looking?”

-

Yeri figured God didn’t want her dead just yet because she was able to drive all the way to the edge of the city without killing herself in the process. She doesn’t even know what she was thinking, but she needed to leave; she was saying so many things she didn’t even mean out of anger. Sooyoung had even stopped screaming back at her and just stood there sobbing and when she realized that, Yeri knew she fucked up big time.

_What I did is unforgivable._

She took a swing of the bottle she took with her before leaving. Another call from Joohyun was sent to voicemail.

_You evil fuck, she must be worried sick about you. You wanna make her cry, too?_

Yeri didn’t even want to see Seungwan. She didn’t want to see anyone.

So she made another drunken decision that was more dangerous than good. But in her mind it made sense, I mean, if you don’t want to see anybody you should go where they can’t see you.

-

“Yeri hasn’t called me, and I checked that park she likes before driving here but it’s alone. Save for few crackheads of course.” Seungwan explained in whispers to Seulgi. Joohyun and Sooyoung had fallen asleep from exhaustion and crying on the living room couches and neither of the remaining girls wanted to wake them up.

“We’ve searched for every spot that we know she likes and she’s nowhere to be seen. Do you think we should wait for her to call any of us?” Seulgi suggested.

“That would be the way to go, if she had been sober when she left, but she wasn’t and that’s something we can’t ignore.”

“We call the cops then? Yeri’s still a minor.”

“Exactly. A drinking and driving minor.”

“Ah fuck. Then I don’t know what to do.”

“Let’s drive around one more time. If by tomorrow evening we don’t know anything of her we call the cops.” Seungwan said, standing up.

“I think we should tell Ms. Bae.”

“Alright then, let’s go there first.”

-

Yeri really, really tried to get in the house without making any noise. She had sobered up a little, but she was still dizzy and seeing double. So she tripped twice going up the stairs to her room and struggled for a whole five minutes before she could open the door. She prayed her mom was heavily asleep.

She took all her stuff out of the backpack she used for school and started replacing it with clothes, she also put her toothbrush, cream, shampoo and soap in it. _I don’t know if I would even be able to shower but what the hell, who cares anyways? Certainly not Sooyo- Okay, we’re not going there. _And that was Yeri’s cue to stop with her mental rambling.

Finishing up with her speed packing (She’s sure she probably is forgetting more things then she is taking with her.) Yeri successfully walks out the house without waking her mom, and walks two blocks over to where she left her van parked. _One can never be too sure. _She’s secured her bag in the passenger seat, warmed up the engine and figured out at least where she’s going to spend the night-morning?- where she’s going to sleep. And then Seulgi’s car passed right by her and pulled up in her house’s driveway, very much waking her mom.

_Aight, imma head out. Ugh, I need to stop using twitter so much._

Yeri takes one look back at her house and drives away. Yeri decides to not acknowledge that she's being a selfish coward. 

(She misses Seulgi and Wendy getting out of the car. She misses her mom walking out to meet them.

She misses her mom breaking down on the porch.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i intended to make this longer, but i wanted to update so here's this. i hope you like it :D
> 
> i totally forgot i have a twitter lol, @tropicalbi if you wanna hmu about the fic, twice, or pretty much anything in general.


	5. reflection

_Selfish_.

That’s how Yeri feels the 30th time her phone rings with a missed call from just her mom. But it’s okay, she just needs to keep driving.

“Do you guys know anything?” Sooyoung asks concerned. She stayed over, again.

“Nope, it’s going straight to voicemail.” Seulgi replies from behind her cup of coffee, Joohyun is nowhere to be seen.

“As always. Why hasn’t she come back yet?” Sooyoung’s mumbling more to herself than Seulgi, but the latter still answers.

“Well, what did you say to make her want to leave for so long?”

Sooyoung holds her breath.

“I know you don’t remember much and don’t want to talk about what you do, but you should think about it, you must’ve really hurt her. You both really hurt each other, didn’t you?”

Sooyoung lets out her breath. And speaks

“It wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Actually, it was mine.” Seulgi looked at her expectantly, urging her to go on.

“Well, you know we had our moments and…anyways. I broke up with Sungjae a few hours after Joohyun told me to, and he actually took it well, I mean he was still sad but he was understanding. I told him how I felt about Yeri and he actually told me he kind of knew. I was still kind of sad because I really value Sungjae, so I decided to go out a bit and let loose. I didn’t plan on getting drunk or anything, but all of a sudden I saw Yeri flirting with some girl and apart from getting shamefully jealous, I remembered the incident at her house. So I ended up drinking more than planned, and then decided to go over to where Yeri was, and uh, take her for myself. Drunk, jealous and smad me didn’t expect Yeri to deny me of what I wanted, but she did, and the rest is history. Actually, the rest is blurry.”

“Smad?”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Sad and mad, smad.”

“I like that, smad.” Seulgi laughed. “Also, you and Yeri make stupid decisions.”

“Speak for yourself. I still have a very vivid memory of you deliberately breaking your arm just so you had a reason to go see _cute nurse Joohyun from the emergency room_. Just when I thought you had a brain.”

Both Sooyoung and Seulgi burst out laughing at the memory, waking someone from their slumber. The laughter died down as they heard footsteps approaching. A messy haired Joohyun appeared in the doorway.

“What are you two laughing about?” She asked as she sat down and cuddled Seulgi on the couch.

“That one time Seulgi broke her arm so she could see you at the hospital.” Sooyoung held back a fit of giggles, Joohyun laughed softly at the memory.

“That was probably the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

“This is slander.” Seulgi pouted. “You know what the worst thing is? Joohyun didn’t even attend me, some other nurse did.”

“Yeah, but I did go visit you.”

“But still, it isn’t the same.”

Seulgi and Joohyun went on with their bickering while Sooyoung looked at them fondly. _I wonder if Yeri and I could ever be like that. _The thought of Yeri made her tear up a bit.

“-yes, but if you would have been a doctor you wouldn’t- Soo? What happened?” Joohyun sat down next to her.

“I miss Yeri.” Sooyoung sniffled; Seulgi sat on her other side.

All three girls hugged eachother

“We all do.”

Saeron would always be reliable. Even after she moved two states away she kept in contact with Yeri as if she never left. She was conscious about everything that had gone down and kindly offered Yeri a place to stay for a while. But when she found out Yeri drove to edge of town drunk she almost send her back for being “_irremediably stupid”_.

“You know you have to go back right? You can’t stay here forever.” As if Yeri didn’t know that. Saeron had been trying to put her in a right mind, but Yeri wouldn’t budge. She didn’t want to go back with this emotional turmoil, no matter how much she missed everyone. _I’ll only hurt them more if I don’t fix myself._

Yeri sneaked out one night (she was getting fairly good at it.) so she could sit by the hill close to the house. _Maybe some divine revelation will come upon me._

But the sun rose and the revelation never came. Yeri hadn’t realized that these don’t exist, and the only way to know what to do with yourself is to introspect and reflect, to look at yourself and not others. To do things for yourself and not expect from others.

It’s funny that she realized this three days after her little escapade to the hill, 7 after leaving her home. Washing dishes. She had her “revelation” watching her reflection in the kitchen sink. It could almost be poetic if you think about it.

Yeri looked at herself, and then _looked _at herself.

_I can’t hurt other people just because I am hurt_.

So Yeri thanked Saeron for being such a good friend, a real friend, packed up her little things and set course back home.

Sooyoung and Joohyun were crying again. Seulgi can’t imagine how Ms. Bae is feeling. The cops had been searching for Yeri in the next state and still hadn’t found her. They would conduct a search in the second one before contacting higher authorities they said, Seulgi knows they don’t really care and don’t put much effort in their search.

What Seulgi doesn’t know is how to comfort the crying girls on her couch, not when it’s 4 in the morning and she feels like crying too.

Seungwan came over 10 minutes after Seulgi called her, trying to avoid her own breakdown. Seungwan had to remind her that feeling sad is okay, that feeling itself is okay.

“You don’t have to be so strong all the time baby bear.” She said with her arms wrapped around her.

Sooyoung and Joohyun looked almost peaceful at 5, if the light from the ceiling didn’t make the lines of dried rivers on their cheeks shine.

Yeri came back a Tuesday. Her mom ran out to meet her as soon as she saw the van appear on their street. They hugged for a sold 10 minutes and cried for about 5. Yeri would tell her mom where she’d been, seeing relief wash over her face at the knowledge that her daughter had spent her days under a roof and not on the streets. She told her mom how she felt and the infinity of things she thought about during all the hours that she drove. In exchange her mother would talk to her about worry, fear, sadness, incompetent cops and failed search parties.

So caught up in telling stories, both forgot to call others who were worried about Yeri.

Joohyun walked into her mother’s living room to find a bag of chips on the floor, Finding Nemo on the tv and Yeri asleep on the couch. The view felt so much like home that she nearly broke down crying on the spot. Instead, she grabbed a blanket from Yeri’s room and settled as she could next to her, covering them both and falling asleep quickly.

(Joohyun found Yeri like this many times before she lived with Seulgi. Yeri would get home earlier from school and by the time Joohyun arrived from her own she would already be fast asleep. Joohyun would always eat and then sleep right next to her.)

The noise of something dropping startled both girls awake, making the youngest fall off the couch. Sooyoung had dropped her bag and a (thankfully) plastic container on the living room, a weird mixture of emotions painted across her face. Yeri, having painted many emotions on Sooyoung’s face was quick to identify a few; shock, surprise, happiness and a little tint of anger that honestly scared her.

_No, I’m not scared of what she might feel anymore. I can do this, I _will_ do this._

Sooyoung took a deep breath as if to say something, but the sudden feeling of another hand on her own made her freeze completely. Joohyun, witness to all of this and what was to happen, quickly texted both Seungwan and Seulgi, so they were informed of the situation and most importantly, knew that Yeri was home safe.

“Sooyoung.” Yeri started, looking as deeply as she could into Sooyoung’s eyes. As deeply as she could when that set of eyes that she loved so much avoided her own.

“I need to tell you something,” Sooyoung tensed up, nearly let out a gasp. She didn’t want to feel any hope over this, she had to know better. “and I need you to listen to me without interrupting. When I finish, you can ask anything you want and say anything you want, is that alright?”

_Yeri probably figured out how I feel about her and is going to reject me in the nicest way possible, that’s all. Or she’ll tell me she hates me and never wants to see me again._

“Alright.”

“You know,” Joohyun spoke up “maybe you two should have this conversation in the backyard, or in one of the rooms, somewhere more private.”

Yeri and Sooyoung looked at her, and then eachother.

“Alright, do you wanna go upstairs?”

“Okay, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't proofread i literally just finished. also, again, very late update because school is busting my ass and i ain't sleeping nearly as much as i should.
> 
> next chapter is probably the last one btw. thank you to everyone who reads, kudos and leaves comments, i appreciate them a lot, as much as i appreciate constructive criticism, so, if you have something to say don't hestitate to speak up :D


	6. end.

“I’m sorry for a lot of things, Soo.” Yeri started

“You better be. You had us all really fucking worried, did you even think about how we would feel? I know you probably don’t care about how I feel but did you think of Joohyun or your mom or-”

“You think I don’t care about how you feel? Sooyoung, I care so much about how you feel it’s scary. I always have cared so much about you, I thought _you_ didn’t care about me.” Yeri interrupted, how could Sooyoung think such a thing?

“It didn’t feel like it. Ever since I got with Sungjae you stopped treating me the way you did, the way that made me feel special, and started treating me like everyone else.” _Oh, that’s why._ “Why did you do that?”

_Well, this is it Yeri, now or never._ Yeri gathered courage before answering.

“That’s because I was jealous, I put distance between us because looking at you with Sungjae hurt.”

Sooyoung thought she connected the dots (but she didn’t connect shit) “Why didn’t you tell me that you liked Sungjae then?”

“What? No” Yeri answered dumbfounded.

“Then why would you be jealous?”

“Oh my God Sooyoung, are you for real?” _This cannot be happening_.

“I was jealous because I like you. No, I’m in love with you and have been for over 2 years now so yeah, seeing you with someone else hurt too much, I had to do what I did to protect myself and for nothing because I am more in love with you then the day I realized that I was.” Yeri let out in one breath.

Sooyoug just stood there.

“Well? Say something. You know, I had to gather up a lot of courage to tell you this alright? It would be nice for you to at least rea-” Yeri was cut off with a kiss so different from all their previous ones, this one, filled with love and hurt and all the things they had been afraid to tell eachother was so much better than any other kiss she’d ever had.

“Yeri, you big fucking dumbass.” Sooyoung said when they broke apart. “You know all the heartache you could have spared us if you confessed when you realized how you felt?” She scolded.

“Well, I didn’t think you felt the same, _wait_, do you feel the same?_”_

“Yes Yeri, I love you too, and have been in love with you for over 2 years now.”

“Well then why didn’t you confess, huh?” Yeri pointed a finger at her accusingly

“Because _I _didn’t think _you_ would feel the same.”

“You know how we could have avoided ourselves all this heartache? If we weren’t idiots.” Yeri said, making Sooyoung laugh.

“But that’s impossible, we all know you were dropped on your head when you were younger.”

“I was not.” Yeri answered, trying to sound angry but with how much she’s laughing that was impossible.

Once their laughter died they sat quietly staring at eachother. Sooyoung put her forehead on Yeri’s.

“I love you.” Yeri smiled

“I love you too.” Sooyoung kissed her, but pulled apart from her when she heard a sniffle.

“Yeri?”

“Not me.” They heard an _Oh shit_, a loud thump and a high-pitched shriek that could only come from Joohyun. When Yeri and Sooyoun walked out of the room and down the stairs they saw their unnies sitting very suspiciously still on the living room couch, and Seulgi rubbing her arm.

“Were you spying on us?” Sooyoung asked, hands on her hips.

“It was Joohyun’s idea.”

“Seulgi, you snitch.”

“Yeah Seulgi, not cool.”

“Hey, you both pushed me down the stairs when we were running away from the room.” Seulgi pouted.

“That was an accident baby.”

“Anyways, did you two make up?” Seungwan said

“Why are you even asking? You heard everything.” Yeri answered making everyone laugh.

“So it’s safe to guess you guys are together now?” Seulgi asked.

“Uh…” Yeri trailed off, she hadn’t asked Sooyoung to be her girlfriend

“We are.” Sooyoung said confidently.

“We are?” Yeri blushed.

“I mean, if you want to…”

“Oh my God just say you love eachother and go.”

(“You know, we can all go on triple dates now.”

“No thank you, we’re not hanging out with elderly people.”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh, this took me longer then expected, i wasn't really happy with the endings i had come up with, but this one is nice.
> 
> i hope everyone enjoyed reading this story and thank you to everyone that commented and left kudos.
> 
> (i'm sorry for taking so long (╥_╥) )


End file.
